girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
