If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
