We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
