Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
