dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
