do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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