I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
