Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
