My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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