at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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