I'm really into asian looking animals
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
