I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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