I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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