It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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