This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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