he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
