She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
