are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he thought i was a dude.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
