There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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