glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
