I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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