Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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