walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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