It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
