my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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