Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
