I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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