Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
