Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
