I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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