i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
