i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
