dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
