All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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