It's Friday. Sex?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
