I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
