The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i barfeds in our rink
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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