I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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