Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
