i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
