I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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