Soap is not a condiment
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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