Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
