We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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