where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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