ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
