I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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