I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
