I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
