...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
