when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
