I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
