Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
