those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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