im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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