Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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