I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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