Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize