he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
