My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
