THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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