his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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