**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
