Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
