apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
