I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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