Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
