im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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