one might say we're banned from that church
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
