Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
