"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
