After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
