Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
