Will you blow on my dice?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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